The Battle Wages On (A Letter to Myself)
by Khowla Oun
Dear self,
I know its hard to fight against your nafs. I know its hard to have trust in Allah SWT when the things you desire and have worked so hard for have yet to happen. I know its hard to keep praying on time when you live a busy life, to fast for the sake of Allah SWT when you need energy to get through the day, and to give to others when you only have little to give.
And most of all, I know it’s hard to keep patient and trust in Allah SWT’s promise as you count the blessings of everyone around you while your hands remain empty.
But let me tell you something:
Say “Indeed, my prayers, my sacrifice, my life and my death are all for Allah, the Lord of the worlds”. (Qu’ran – 6:162)’
Allah SWT, the king of all kings and of all kingdoms, Who brings and takes life, Whose mercy is greater than what you can imagine, Who does everything with perfection and Who loves you more than your own mother, knows every struggle you are going through.
He knows how hard it is for you to wake up for Fajr when your body aches to sleep; He knows how brave you had to be to ask your manager for a prayer break, and He knows how intimidating it was for you to pray Dhuhr in that public space while others stared with judgmental looks.
He knows the sadness you feel when you are rejected from opportunities you desire; He knows the pain in your heart that you try to hide from others.
He sees every little effort you make for Him whether it’s an extra Sunnah prayer, a penny in a charity box or a smile you give your brother on the street.
He knows you more than you know yourself.
So remember, dear self, do not give up. As the battle with your nafs wages on, let your hope in Allah be your shield.
‘’No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even a prick from a thorn, except Allah forgives his sins for it.’’ [Sahih Al-Bukhari]
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